My 2 cents...

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Posted by AllysMom on January 09, 2003 at 04:28:22:

In Reply to: Addendum posted by PHWyvern on January 08, 2003 at 21:02:33:

A story from the "flamee" side, showing an unusual possiblity:

If anyone here remembers, one time late at night I posted a hasty grumpy response to someone wanting to know - if I recall correctly - how much longer he could wait before moving his 2+ foot iguana from a ten gallon to a 20 gallon aquarium. Or something similar.

While I thought I responded professionally, upon a re-read later it was *quite* clear from my attitude that I was regarding the fellow as an ignorant idiot about to kill his pet.

The only reason I came to realize this was because another frequent poster, whom I liked and respected, blasted the BEJESUS out of me. He was rude and defamatory, and even insulted my private business and child-rearing capabilities. It was flaming, pure and simple. I was appalled to say the least. I could not believe this person was spewing such garbage ... and even worse - it was at *ME*!

So I went back and re-read my post to see why he was so upset - and I darned near died. I was indeed rude, and treated the person as if he so hopeless there was no point offering help or suggestions. It looked like I posted only to point out he was a dangerous ignorant idiot and a lost cause.

I was beside myself with embarassment & shame, and I still have no real explanation. That's not me at all.

I immediately posted a huge apology - but it was too late. The person never came back. Who knows what happened to his iguana since the owner never got any help. Yes, I was flamed and treated badly. It was a natural reaction to the nastiness of my post to a newbie, and I deserved to have someone *that* outraged with it.

After that, I learned to spend AGES pouring over my posts before I hit that 'send' button, just to ensure I was coming across exactly as I intended.

If that flaming rude message to me that went straight for the jugular had been removed, I would *never* have known what I had really done; and it taught me a lesson that I still pay attention to today.

Also, I think having a real outright 'flame' responded to with an apology, which in turn received an apology for the flame going too far, looked great and showed the spirit of the forum. So, Dan, wherever you are - "Thank You" still!
Wendy

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