thank you all more than i can manage to say

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Posted by iZ's mom on April 17, 2002 at 19:49:29:

In Reply to: Bon Please read... posted by Spyro + Sparx Mom on April 17, 2002 at 18:24:47:

i can't stop crying

it has taken me since yesterday to write even this much

i want to share with you all what happened but i just can't ... i write 1-2 lines + then cry for hours and then i wander aimlessly thru the house ... i read another note from our friends and i cry + smile at the same time and then wander thru the house not knowing what to do next ...

iZ fought way too many health battles in his young life ...
this last month with both his tummy hurting AND his mouth hurting ~ it was just too much ... both were getting worse in spite of everything ...

hubby + i took him to see the doctor one last time tues afternoon ... and i held him while she gave him the injection that would finally make it all stop hurting for real this time ... not just for a while, but now he will never never hurt again ...

when hubby + i came home yesterday, all i knew was that i HAD to tell you all but all i could make myself say was that my dragonbaby is gone ...

ALL of you have been such a huge part of our lives ...
but ya know for some reason it never dawned on me how hard this would hit ANYone else besides me ... i have cried so hard so many times for other igs over the years ... i guess i thought i was the only "nut" ... (tyring hard to manage a *week grin* here) ... i have struggled so many times to find words for someone else, to try + comfort them and i was always so afraid i'd make the hurt worse ... i always knew there ARE no magic words to make the hurt stop ...

i am blown away by the tremndous outpouring of caring ...
even if i wasn't crying so damned hard, i'd still be speechless by the amount of letters, etc ...
i hope you are proud of yourselves! you've made ME speechless!!!!

i really had no idea that this would hurt this much ... i don't know why i thought that when iZ stopped hurting, i would too ...
but now the difference is that i'm crying for ME not iZ this time ...
i miss him so friggin' much i don't know how i can even breathe when it hurts this much ...

iZ + i made promises to each other when he 1st got sick so long ago ... he promised me that he wouldn't pretend it was ok when it wasn't, he promised me that he would let me know if he needed my help to go to the Rainbow Bridge ... and i promised i would always hold his hand, that i would ALWAYS love him no matter what and that when the time came, i would help him leave ... did i ever tell you that one of the newest phrases iZ had learned the meaning of was "Love you!" ...? "Love you!" was when we were snuggled cheek to cheek and the rest of the world melted away and it was just me + dragon ...
i told iZ that i think time is different at the Bridge + in Heaven, and so it won't feel like very long at all to him before we're together again ...

hubby is taking good care of me + i will be ok ... i'm just not ok right now ...

*~*
this is hubby bon is havinmg a hard time making desisionn now so i will say bye for her now more to come later
love you all and thanx for all the love and support

hubby

Follow Ups:

I think one of the main reasons it's so hard for all of us to see Iz go is JNelson 04/18/02 (1)
- ??Cirsus is gone ?? I didn't know ... Allys Mom 04/18/02 (0)
Re: So very sorry Bon Laura 04/17/02 (0)
Re: thank you all more than i can manage to say Dara 04/17/02 (0)
Re: thank you all more than i can manage to say xta 04/17/02 (0)
Re: thank you all more than i can manage to say Tmom 04/17/02 (1)
- Re: So sorry for your loss but remember IZ is in a better place Squiggs 04/17/02 (0)

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: : i can't stop crying : : it has taken me since yesterday to write even this much : : i want to share with you all what happened but i just can't ... i write 1-2 lines + then cry for hours and then i wander aimlessly thru the house ... i read another note from our friends and i cry + smile at the same time and then wander thru the house not knowing what to do next ... : : iZ fought way too many health battles in his young life ... : this last month with both his tummy hurting AND his mouth hurting ~ it was just too much ... both were getting worse in spite of everything ... : hubby + i took him to see the doctor one last time tues afternoon ... and i held him while she gave him the injection that would finally make it all stop hurting for real this time ... not just for a while, but now he will never never hurt again ... : : when hubby + i came home yesterday, all i knew was that i HAD to tell you all but all i could make myself say was that my dragonbaby is gone ... : ALL of you have been such a huge part of our lives ... : but ya know for some reason it never dawned on me how hard this would hit ANYone else besides me ... i have cried so hard so many times for other igs over the years ... i guess i thought i was the only "nut" ... (tyring hard to manage a *week grin* here) ... i have struggled so many times to find words for someone else, to try + comfort them and i was always so afraid i'd make the hurt worse ... i always knew there ARE no magic words to make the hurt stop ... : i am blown away by the tremndous outpouring of caring ... : even if i wasn't crying so damned hard, i'd still be speechless by the amount of letters, etc ... : i hope you are proud of yourselves! you've made ME speechless!!!! : i really had no idea that this would hurt this much ... i don't know why i thought that when iZ stopped hurting, i would too ... : but now the difference is that i'm crying for ME not iZ this time ... : i miss him so friggin' much i don't know how i can even breathe when it hurts this much ... : iZ + i made promises to each other when he 1st got sick so long ago ... he promised me that he wouldn't pretend it was ok when it wasn't, he promised me that he would let me know if he needed my help to go to the Rainbow Bridge ... and i promised i would always hold his hand, that i would ALWAYS love him no matter what and that when the time came, i would help him leave ... did i ever tell you that one of the newest phrases iZ had learned the meaning of was "Love you!" ...? "Love you!" was when we were snuggled cheek to cheek and the rest of the world melted away and it was just me + dragon ... : i told iZ that i think time is different at the Bridge + in Heaven, and so it won't feel like very long at all to him before we're together again ... : hubby is taking good care of me + i will be ok ... i'm just not ok right now ... : *~* : this is hubby bon is havinmg a hard time making desisionn now so i will say bye for her now more to come later : love you all and thanx for all the love and support : : hubby

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