wow... (thanks)... you've had some real challanges! n/m

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Posted by xta on May 15, 2000 at 07:12:12:

In Reply to: Re: ver-y l-o-n-g...... :o) posted by Ally's Mom on May 14, 2000 at 13:17:48:

: I understand those depressing/scared feelings all too well. The hard part --- You have to BELIEVE it's an opportunity!!!!
: Hubby could have had the same job for the rest of his life. That does not mean it was a good thing - or right for your lives. ( And how boring to have your whole life mapped out for you)Now you know he isn't going to be unemployed for the rest of his life - so what does it mean? He now has an opportunity to grow, and *may* find something that means more him; or pays more; or puts you in touch with people who will become important in your life; etc. etc. You will not know for a while - maybe two years. But one day, if you approach this *problem* as an opportunity -you will be darned glad and have no regrets.
: If it will help, here is a *partial* list of *opportunities* that I have been lucky enough to have happen to me -- and I swear on a stack of iggies that I regret NONE of them....far better things arose out of each disaster that have enriched and improved my life, and I am thankful. (...Of course, at each time, I was absolutely devastated. Felt sorry for myself - why me AGAIN - haven't I suffered enough -- how can I 'undo' this and go back to the way it was ...etc!) Could have done without the grey hairs though - but hey, there's clairol! Anyways, here's an example of things that were lemons, and became lemonade:
: #1) Dumped by the love of my life, after 7 years...at age 20 ... because I became pregnant. I refused an abortion, so fiance could not handle his very uppity family being involved in a 'scandle'. He married someone else when my daughter was 5 months old. Wondered why I never saw our friends - found out was because he told them I got pregnant while he was away.... (he is now a multi-millionaire...I still have to cut coupons)
: #2) Finally had to drop out of university - burnt out with work, school, and baby. (Lived on $30 a month food bill for myself)
: #2) Two years later I began to be stalked. It ended fatally.
: #3) Got married - discovered that although he was a very good man, he was a major alcoholic. Leaving would have devasted, irreversably, my daughter's sanity after all she had been through.
: #4) Got fired from work for stealing bank deposit. Manager actually took it - but told police I was acting really wierd as I was pregnant....
: #5) Daughter addicted to crack cocaine.
: #6) Daughter with extremely abusive boyfriend - she 13, he 19.
: #7) Husband gets DUI. Insurance of course does not cover. Car is totalled - we lose expensive family car. Must pay for other damages.
: #8) Nutcase (a political issue) is running around town trying to destroy me. Anonymous tips to police, daycare licencing, my bank ......!
: I am NOT whining here. Every one of the above HAS turned out to provide something wonderful in our lives that not only made what we went through more than worth it - but truly enriched our lives. Even to the point that my little daughter (well okay she's nearly 12), whenever presented with a *challenge* says, "Oh good - we have an opportunity!!!" Heather says problems are for math classes. She is a straight A student, wonderful girl scout, and a true treasure - thanks to some of our *opportunities*. I know it sounds silly - like how can having an alcoholic husband have been a good thing??? But the answers are here if you want to know....I just want to make my point to you.
: Funny - hehehe, I just realized - I totally forgot to put in the *opportunities* when MY husband lost his job - twice!! That shows how *earth-shattering* it turned out to be - I forgot!!(BTW, he now has a job he truly loves, is secure in a multi-national company, and makes tons of money. Of course we are so far in debt in doesn't help yet..)
: Besides, you can appreciate what you have a lot more, and be happier with it, when you know how easy it would have been to lose it all....
: As long as you and your loved ones are not dying, just how bad can it be? There are some things that are truly horrifice .. like a loved one being raped/murdered. Now that would be a challenge. I don't know how people live through that. So as long those types of irreversible things aren't happening, I will see everything else as a challenge.
: And with a positive attitude, people are more responsive too. It's win/win all the way.
: BEST OF LUCK! Be happy anyway, what the heck - being upset sure doesn't help!
: Wendy. :o)

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: : I understand those depressing/scared feelings all too well. The hard part --- You have to BELIEVE it's an opportunity!!!! : : Hubby could have had the same job for the rest of his life. That does not mean it was a good thing - or right for your lives. ( And how boring to have your whole life mapped out for you)Now you know he isn't going to be unemployed for the rest of his life - so what does it mean? He now has an opportunity to grow, and *may* find something that means more him; or pays more; or puts you in touch with people who will become important in your life; etc. etc. You will not know for a while - maybe two years. But one day, if you approach this *problem* as an opportunity -you will be darned glad and have no regrets. : : If it will help, here is a *partial* list of *opportunities* that I have been lucky enough to have happen to me -- and I swear on a stack of iggies that I regret NONE of them....far better things arose out of each disaster that have enriched and improved my life, and I am thankful. (...Of course, at each time, I was absolutely devastated. Felt sorry for myself - why me AGAIN - haven't I suffered enough -- how can I 'undo' this and go back to the way it was ...etc!) Could have done without the grey hairs though - but hey, there's clairol! Anyways, here's an example of things that were lemons, and became lemonade: : : #1) Dumped by the love of my life, after 7 years...at age 20 ... because I became pregnant. I refused an abortion, so fiance could not handle his very uppity family being involved in a 'scandle'. He married someone else when my daughter was 5 months old. Wondered why I never saw our friends - found out was because he told them I got pregnant while he was away.... (he is now a multi-millionaire...I still have to cut coupons) : : #2) Finally had to drop out of university - burnt out with work, school, and baby. (Lived on $30 a month food bill for myself) : : #2) Two years later I began to be stalked. It ended fatally. : : #3) Got married - discovered that although he was a very good man, he was a major alcoholic. Leaving would have devasted, irreversably, my daughter's sanity after all she had been through. : : #4) Got fired from work for stealing bank deposit. Manager actually took it - but told police I was acting really wierd as I was pregnant.... : : #5) Daughter addicted to crack cocaine. : : #6) Daughter with extremely abusive boyfriend - she 13, he 19. : : #7) Husband gets DUI. Insurance of course does not cover. Car is totalled - we lose expensive family car. Must pay for other damages. : : #8) Nutcase (a political issue) is running around town trying to destroy me. Anonymous tips to police, daycare licencing, my bank ......! : : I am NOT whining here. Every one of the above HAS turned out to provide something wonderful in our lives that not only made what we went through more than worth it - but truly enriched our lives. Even to the point that my little daughter (well okay she's nearly 12), whenever presented with a *challenge* says, "Oh good - we have an opportunity!!!" Heather says problems are for math classes. She is a straight A student, wonderful girl scout, and a true treasure - thanks to some of our *opportunities*. I know it sounds silly - like how can having an alcoholic husband have been a good thing??? But the answers are here if you want to know....I just want to make my point to you. : : Funny - hehehe, I just realized - I totally forgot to put in the *opportunities* when MY husband lost his job - twice!! That shows how *earth-shattering* it turned out to be - I forgot!!(BTW, he now has a job he truly loves, is secure in a multi-national company, and makes tons of money. Of course we are so far in debt in doesn't help yet..) : : Besides, you can appreciate what you have a lot more, and be happier with it, when you know how easy it would have been to lose it all.... : : As long as you and your loved ones are not dying, just how bad can it be? There are some things that are truly horrifice .. like a loved one being raped/murdered. Now that would be a challenge. I don't know how people live through that. So as long those types of irreversible things aren't happening, I will see everything else as a challenge. : : And with a positive attitude, people are more responsive too. It's win/win all the way. : : BEST OF LUCK! Be happy anyway, what the heck - being upset sure doesn't help! : : Wendy. :o)

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