Re: ver-y l-o-n-g...... :o)

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Posted by Ally's Mom on May 14, 2000 at 13:17:48:

In Reply to: Hi! BEEN AWAY...missed you... posted by xta on May 13, 2000 at 20:23:06:

I understand those depressing/scared feelings all too well. The hard part --- You have to BELIEVE it's an opportunity!!!!
Hubby could have had the same job for the rest of his life. That does not mean it was a good thing - or right for your lives. ( And how boring to have your whole life mapped out for you)Now you know he isn't going to be unemployed for the rest of his life - so what does it mean? He now has an opportunity to grow, and *may* find something that means more him; or pays more; or puts you in touch with people who will become important in your life; etc. etc. You will not know for a while - maybe two years. But one day, if you approach this *problem* as an opportunity -you will be darned glad and have no regrets.
If it will help, here is a *partial* list of *opportunities* that I have been lucky enough to have happen to me -- and I swear on a stack of iggies that I regret NONE of them....far better things arose out of each disaster that have enriched and improved my life, and I am thankful. (...Of course, at each time, I was absolutely devastated. Felt sorry for myself - why me AGAIN - haven't I suffered enough -- how can I 'undo' this and go back to the way it was ...etc!) Could have done without the grey hairs though - but hey, there's clairol! Anyways, here's an example of things that were lemons, and became lemonade:
#1) Dumped by the love of my life, after 7 years...at age 20 ... because I became pregnant. I refused an abortion, so fiance could not handle his very uppity family being involved in a 'scandle'. He married someone else when my daughter was 5 months old. Wondered why I never saw our friends - found out was because he told them I got pregnant while he was away.... (he is now a multi-millionaire...I still have to cut coupons)
#2) Finally had to drop out of university - burnt out with work, school, and baby. (Lived on $30 a month food bill for myself)
#2) Two years later I began to be stalked. It ended fatally.
#3) Got married - discovered that although he was a very good man, he was a major alcoholic. Leaving would have devasted, irreversably, my daughter's sanity after all she had been through.
#4) Got fired from work for stealing bank deposit. Manager actually took it - but told police I was acting really wierd as I was pregnant....
#5) Daughter addicted to crack cocaine.
#6) Daughter with extremely abusive boyfriend - she 13, he 19.
#7) Husband gets DUI. Insurance of course does not cover. Car is totalled - we lose expensive family car. Must pay for other damages.
#8) Nutcase (a political issue) is running around town trying to destroy me. Anonymous tips to police, daycare licencing, my bank ......!
I am NOT whining here. Every one of the above HAS turned out to provide something wonderful in our lives that not only made what we went through more than worth it - but truly enriched our lives. Even to the point that my little daughter (well okay she's nearly 12), whenever presented with a *challenge* says, "Oh good - we have an opportunity!!!" Heather says problems are for math classes. She is a straight A student, wonderful girl scout, and a true treasure - thanks to some of our *opportunities*. I know it sounds silly - like how can having an alcoholic husband have been a good thing??? But the answers are here if you want to know....I just want to make my point to you.
Funny - hehehe, I just realized - I totally forgot to put in the *opportunities* when MY husband lost his job - twice!! That shows how *earth-shattering* it turned out to be - I forgot!!(BTW, he now has a job he truly loves, is secure in a multi-national company, and makes tons of money. Of course we are so far in debt in doesn't help yet..)
Besides, you can appreciate what you have a lot more, and be happier with it, when you know how easy it would have been to lose it all....
As long as you and your loved ones are not dying, just how bad can it be? There are some things that are truly horrifice .. like a loved one being raped/murdered. Now that would be a challenge. I don't know how people live through that. So as long those types of irreversible things aren't happening, I will see everything else as a challenge.
And with a positive attitude, people are more responsive too. It's win/win all the way.
BEST OF LUCK! Be happy anyway, what the heck - being upset sure doesn't help!
Wendy. :o)

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wow... (thanks)... you've had some real challanges! n/m xta 05/15/00 (0)

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: I understand those depressing/scared feelings all too well. The hard part --- You have to BELIEVE it's an opportunity!!!! : Hubby could have had the same job for the rest of his life. That does not mean it was a good thing - or right for your lives. ( And how boring to have your whole life mapped out for you)Now you know he isn't going to be unemployed for the rest of his life - so what does it mean? He now has an opportunity to grow, and *may* find something that means more him; or pays more; or puts you in touch with people who will become important in your life; etc. etc. You will not know for a while - maybe two years. But one day, if you approach this *problem* as an opportunity -you will be darned glad and have no regrets. : If it will help, here is a *partial* list of *opportunities* that I have been lucky enough to have happen to me -- and I swear on a stack of iggies that I regret NONE of them....far better things arose out of each disaster that have enriched and improved my life, and I am thankful. (...Of course, at each time, I was absolutely devastated. Felt sorry for myself - why me AGAIN - haven't I suffered enough -- how can I 'undo' this and go back to the way it was ...etc!) Could have done without the grey hairs though - but hey, there's clairol! Anyways, here's an example of things that were lemons, and became lemonade: : #1) Dumped by the love of my life, after 7 years...at age 20 ... because I became pregnant. I refused an abortion, so fiance could not handle his very uppity family being involved in a 'scandle'. He married someone else when my daughter was 5 months old. Wondered why I never saw our friends - found out was because he told them I got pregnant while he was away.... (he is now a multi-millionaire...I still have to cut coupons) : #2) Finally had to drop out of university - burnt out with work, school, and baby. (Lived on $30 a month food bill for myself) : #2) Two years later I began to be stalked. It ended fatally. : #3) Got married - discovered that although he was a very good man, he was a major alcoholic. Leaving would have devasted, irreversably, my daughter's sanity after all she had been through. : #4) Got fired from work for stealing bank deposit. Manager actually took it - but told police I was acting really wierd as I was pregnant.... : #5) Daughter addicted to crack cocaine. : #6) Daughter with extremely abusive boyfriend - she 13, he 19. : #7) Husband gets DUI. Insurance of course does not cover. Car is totalled - we lose expensive family car. Must pay for other damages. : #8) Nutcase (a political issue) is running around town trying to destroy me. Anonymous tips to police, daycare licencing, my bank ......! : I am NOT whining here. Every one of the above HAS turned out to provide something wonderful in our lives that not only made what we went through more than worth it - but truly enriched our lives. Even to the point that my little daughter (well okay she's nearly 12), whenever presented with a *challenge* says, "Oh good - we have an opportunity!!!" Heather says problems are for math classes. She is a straight A student, wonderful girl scout, and a true treasure - thanks to some of our *opportunities*. I know it sounds silly - like how can having an alcoholic husband have been a good thing??? But the answers are here if you want to know....I just want to make my point to you. : Funny - hehehe, I just realized - I totally forgot to put in the *opportunities* when MY husband lost his job - twice!! That shows how *earth-shattering* it turned out to be - I forgot!!(BTW, he now has a job he truly loves, is secure in a multi-national company, and makes tons of money. Of course we are so far in debt in doesn't help yet..) : Besides, you can appreciate what you have a lot more, and be happier with it, when you know how easy it would have been to lose it all.... : As long as you and your loved ones are not dying, just how bad can it be? There are some things that are truly horrifice .. like a loved one being raped/murdered. Now that would be a challenge. I don't know how people live through that. So as long those types of irreversible things aren't happening, I will see everything else as a challenge. : And with a positive attitude, people are more responsive too. It's win/win all the way. : BEST OF LUCK! Be happy anyway, what the heck - being upset sure doesn't help! : Wendy. :o)

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