:You've ever had a rod shoved up your cloaca. :Those pesky people always take away YOUR eggs!!! :You go off feed for months and find it funny when your keeper goes nuts. :Garden hoses look kinda attractive. :Fresh food means still breathing. :You impolitely yawn after every meal. :You've ever taken a large dump minutes after your cage has been cleaned. :People fear you!!!! :You're offended when lawyers/politicians are referred to you. :When in zombie movies, they remove their skin, you don't know why that's a big deal. :You think Indiana Jones is a wussy.